*sigh* I know it has been officially summer for a couple of months now, however, perhaps because I make it a priority to not drive into ‘town’ on weekends or perhaps because I just like to shun reality when I don’t particularly like what I’m observing but…I noticed it mostly this week…they’re here. Major rant ahead – if you live in NY and are nice please don’t take this personally, it seems like all the not nice New Yorkers come HERE. (Neil and Susan (and Susan’s mom – any non-knitter who would walk around the garment district looking for yarn stores for a demented knitter she doesn’t even know is awesome in my book) we love you and we know you are the exception – oh and Bev, you are also nice and please, please don’t take the next two paragraphs the wrong way, I gotta get this out and screaming at the top of my lungs in downtown GB isn’t ‘allowed’ because people up here ‘know’ me. ack.)
The ‘up-fers’ or the ‘212’s’ or, when feeling particularly generous ‘those obnoxious *ssholes who can’t drive to save their lives, use up all my oxygen and are completely and totally missing the ability to be polite’. Oh wait, did I mention that THEY CAN’T DRIVE!?!? DRIVING does not mean riding the subway for ten years and then deciding to rent a car to drive to ‘the country’. DRIVING does not mean going ten f*cking miles below the speed limit because you are getting dizzy because 50 is the fastest you have ever gone in your life because the last time you drove it was the Model-T and it topped out at a whopping 15mph. DRIVING does not, ever, ever, mean BACKING INTO TRAFFIC IN FRONT OF THE RED LION INN BECAUSE well…because isn’t everyone ELSE supposed to be paying 100% of their attention on YOU because God forbid you be responsible for f*cking up?!?! And, doesn’t everybody do it? Christ.
Here I am attempting to ‘merge’ (which ‘they’ also can’t seem to comprehend. YOU ARE NO LONGER IN THE CITY – YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO PLAY BUMPER-CARS TO GET WHERE YOU WANT TO BE) and I decide to be nice and let someone out in front of me. They then proceed to screw me completely to the wall because what are they doing? Wait for it…THEY ARE LOOKING AT THE SHOPS ON MAIN FRICKING STREET AND NOT WHERE THEY ARE GOING AND THEY ARE DOING IT AT 5 GODDAMNED MILES PER F*CKING HOUR!!! THIS is why I am not nice when I am driving. THIS is why I am going to die young of an aneurysm. For the love of… Stay home. Send a check. All we want from you is your money anyway. If you do insist on coming here please be polite. Please think of others and remember that you are outnumbered 3 to 1 by rednecks who can and will kick your ass if you are not nice and polite and please, please for the love of Christ PARK YOUR F*CKING CAR AND WALK IF YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT SHOPS ARE ON F*CKING MAIN F*CKING STREET.
There. I’m done.